Sweet Chattanooga Pt. II

The drive to the Chattanooga Airport was pretty uneventful. R and I had a slight disagreement about the form of transportation we were going to take to the Atlanta Airport. There were no direct flights back to New York so we had to go to Atlanta first. I wanted to drive the 120 miles to Atlanta, R wanted to fly. I’m not totally happy when I’m on a plane so flying 120 miles in a prop airplane that only holds 28 passengers seemed to me like a recipe for disaster. We debated the situation awhile and then we boarded the plane.

Our seats were in the rear of the plane which I heard was a good thing. The tail usually stayed intact in all the photos I’ve ever seen of air disasters. Unfortunately there was also a baby in the tail section. I like babies but I’m not enamored with the idea of being trapped on a tiny plane with an infant that’s crying. The baby was latched on to his mother’s breast so it was being very quiet and I can understand why. The inside of the plane was even smaller than I pictured it in my mind. Now I understood why they turned away two severely Large women that were trying to board.

We reached our seats and R preferred the window seat and that was okay with me. I took the seat beside her and adjusted my seat belt and glanced over at the mother nursing her baby seated across from me. She was a blonde big breasted woman with a high pitched annoying voice. She said to me “enjoying the view”? I said we haven’t left the ground yet. She said “you know what I’m talking about! I said I was just looking at your beautiful baby, I wasn’t looking anywhere else. The woman leered at me and adjusted the angle of the baby to cut down my view. Then I felt an elbow in my ribs. What’s going on said R, are you flirting with that woman? My god she’s nursing a baby, what’s wrong with you? I said I was just admiring the baby, nothing wrong with that. R rose up from her seat and said here take the window seat before you get in trouble.

The plane began to taxi along the runway so I closed the window shade along with my eyes. I pressed my body against the back of the seat as hard as I could. I clinched my fists making sure to dig my finger nails into my palms. This procedure has always worked out well for me, I’ve never crashed. I opened one eye and peeked over at R. She was reading a book. Different strokes for different folks. As the plane lifted off the tarmac I held my breath, just part of the procedure. I took my first swig of air when I heard the captain announce “you may remove your seat belts”. Walla, the procedure had worked yet again.

I opened the shade and witnessed a strange sight, propellers. It was becoming darker as the night was about to overtake the day. I stared out the window at the spinning propeller for quite awhile. Nothing else to do. R was reading and that meant “No Talking!” Suddenly I thought I saw a spark exit from behind the propeller. I stared intently at the same spot for a minute or two then another spark. Is this normal for a prop plane I asked myself? Should I inquire about it? Who should I ask? I got up off my seat and squeezed myself past R. God forbid she should move her gangly legs aside so I could step into the aisle. I saw the stewardess so I nonchalantly without causing any panic what so ever walked slowly up the aisle to where she was standing. She said “can I help you sir”? I cleared my throat, I’m just curious, is it normal to have sparks emitting from the engine?

The stewardess grabbed my arm and pulled me ever so gently into a small alcove where another stewardess was seated eating an apple. Where did you see the spark sir she asked? With that the stewardess that was seated dropped her apple and it rolled a few feet away and under an empty food cart. She bent over and picked it up, looked it over and threw it in the trash. I said I saw a spark come out of the left side engine right behind the propeller. Nothing to worry about said the stewardess while glancing over at the apple eater who was now staring out the window at the other engine. Go back to your seat it’s totally normal, just some dust from the engine burning off into the cool night air. She made it seem romantic.

I couldn’t help but notice the look on the seated stewardess’s face when she heard the word “spark” and the apple rolling along the floor. I went back to my seat and kept a watch on the alcove in the front of the plane. I saw the stewardess who dropped the apple open the pilot’s door and enter. She reemerged with something red hidden under her arm. She disappeared into the alcove with the mysterious hidden object. R put her book down and stared at me for a few seconds. What are you up to she asked with mock annoyance. I said everything’s good, no problem. I didn’t want to make her nervous; it was probably nothing just as the stewardess had said. R said well you’re making me uncomfortable constantly getting up and down. I said I got up once, what am I your prisoner? Stop yelling at me she shouted.

All heads turned in our direction, even the baby unlatched from his mother’s breast to see what was making that hideous noise. Screw this I said, I wasn’t going to say anything but I saw a spark come out of the engine, so now you can be as uncomfortable as I am. My unfortunate slip seemed to peak the interest of some of the passengers that were seated around us. The man in front of us poked his head up over his seat rest, you saw a spark? He had a rather round face with a ratty red moustache. On his totally bald head he wore a Yarmulke. I often wondered how they stayed on if you didn’t have any hair to attach them to. I’ll have to remember to ask my friend Glenn, he has the answer to most any question you can think of.

The man waited for me to reply. I tried to think of something to say that would tone down what I just said about the spark. I looked at R and her face had turned the color of a turnip. Maybe I had overstated the word spark a bit too much. I said well it wasn’t a really big spark and I only saw it twice. Twice the Yarmulke man shouted. Now the baby that had managed to unlatch it self from his mother’s breast began to cry and the stewardess was on her way down the aisle to see what was going on in the rear of the plane. R had her hand up and was waving it all around trying to get the woman’s attention. When the stewardess arrived at our seat, R proceeded to explain about the spark as if she was the one that had seen it. It’s not that I was jealous or anything, I mean it was already on record that I was the one that had seen the spark…twice.

The stewardess again explained about the dust igniting in the cool night air. Everyone seemed pleased with her explanation, the baby stopped crying and resumed sucking, R went back to her book and all seemed right with the world again. I resumed staring out the window trying to avoid looking in the direction of the engine. I could now see lights below so we were probably nearing Atlanta. The fasten seat belt sign went on so I prepared for landing. I pressed my back against the seat with all my might. Clinched my fists shoving my fingernails into my palms and held my breath. The procedure had a slight dizzying affect on me but it was well worth it to insure safety for all on board. I waited for the thump of the wheels to hit the tarmac and exhaled. There was a smidgeon of applause so I joined in the gayety. All considered the flight went pretty well I thought. While walking up the aisle on our way out of the plane we passed the stewardess alcove. I poked my head in and scanned it quickly and noticed the mysterious red object that the apple eating stewardess had been hiding earlier. It was a small fire extinguisher. That was a little upsetting. R looked over at me as we exited the plane and said I didn’t care for the flight too much with all the commotion you caused, maybe we should have taken the car.…Yes why didn’t I think of that?

©2012 Lee Zett